When Life Throws You Lemons Make Sure You’re Wearing A Tiara

Every girl must develop a signature style and yet for the most part our style is only developed for those “on stage” moments in life when we have an audience. But ultimately style is all about consistency so we need to shine a spotlight on our behind the curtain’s behaviour to truly develop a style that maintains both consistency and authenticity. A style in short that will do our biographer proud.

If you want to develop a full and rounded style start seeing your life from the perspective of your biographer. You may not have one in the wings just yet but just in case keep it rich, keep in racy and keep it on message.

The nuns who educated me told us; “A lady is always elegant even in crisis!” It is a marvellous dictum. If I behave less than elegantly I can still hear the voice of Sister Conchilio the Etiquette Enforcer at my convent ringing in my ears. “What would your biographer make of that behaviour madam?” (she actually said St Peter who of course sits outside the pearly gates with his ledger making notes on all our earthly actions lacking elegance but I always thought of him as my biographer).

Like all Catholics we were schooled to always be thinking of our lives in a posthumous way. To this end – age fourteen – I made a list of unattractive behaviour I was prone to indulge in when my equilibrium was compromised. For example when miserable it was my habit to take to my bed and hide under the duvet in pyjamas, when cross to deliver a silent starring rebuke or haughty sneer, when sulky I’d deliver the same silent rebuke with the addition of an unattractively lowered lip, when poorly I’d moan and grunt (again under the duvet) and when alarmed by overdue library books (my teenage equivalent to bank statements) my tendency was to shriek and rent my clothing in the manner of an old testament sinner.

It was all deeply unstylish and unworthy of even an unpublished biographer’s ink so I resolved to bring more panache to my moods. By the time I was sixteen I had begun taking to bed in my mother’s old mink and pearls. I suffered through an especially bad case of teenage mumps looking like a dying Vanderbilt heiress but I can emphatically state it was the best medicine the doctor never ordered.

There are no doubt many tribulations that can’t be fixed with lashings of mink but it has been my experience that any tantrum is made majestic by the addition of a tiara. No one can be depressed in pearls, gloves and pretty shoes or at least not while sipping champagne and nibbling on Turkish Delight. Or if they can, they will still feel more stylishly depressed. And that, after all, is the main thing.

My biography remains unwritten and unsought but I am ready to face it when and if it comes – whatever my mood.